Lessons learned from the Terry Trafford Tragedy: Supporting children with Mental Health Challenges

BGC_OneinFourFirst of all, I need to provide a disclaimer. I am a mom first, an educator and a hockey wife. Hockey is a part of our everyday life so the story of Terry Trafford has been a hot topic at our house of late. How could a kid with such promise have such a tragic end? How could a young man find himself in such a desperate state feeling as though he had no options left? For many this situation has left more questions than answers.

As a mother I have a 16 year old son who has left home to pursue his dream. This has been challenging as a mom. As mature as he is letting go and watching him from a far as he struggles and succeeds is hard! He is currently attending prep school 9 hours from home and is hoping to pursue his dream in hockey. How do we as parents and educators prepare our children for the successes and failures they will face along their journey?

All teenagers make mistakes. Goodness knows we all did as teenagers ourselves but today’s teens have so much pressure. They are always in the spotlight. With social media always at their fingertips any mistake they make can be amplified and broadcasted to the world in a nano second. They relate in the world in a very different way. It is nothing for them to have hundreds of followers on Twitter or Facebook without really knowing any of them and still they continue to share their habits, thoughts and beliefs publicly assuming everyone has the best of intentions. They watch more TV, play more video games and spend more time texting and online than we ever did as teens. Many families today have the challenges of dealing with financial strain, mental health, unemployment, addictions, marital breakdowns, blended families and poverty. All of these directly impact children and their stress levels.

What can we do differently to prepare our children to face failure and celebrate success in this changing world? There will never be enough resources and support to deal with the complex issues that face parents and educators every day but there are some simple yet important things we can do:

1. Observe: if you notice a change in the behaviour or habits of your child or student investigate it. Ask questions? Check in. Talk to them.

2. Know their habits. Who are their friends? What are they doing online? How are they eating? How are they sleeping? What are their grades? What are their interests?

3. Communicate: If you have concerns reach out to them, their teachers, their friends and their teammates. Gather information. Ask questions. Share observations. Chances are if you are concerned so are others.

4. Get help: Do not wait and do not take no for an answer. As a parent and as an educator you know these children better than anyone. You see them 8 hours a day over a long period of time. You know when something is not right. If you feel like road blocks are being put in your way or professionals are not taking your concerns seriously keep pushing. Do not give up. Advocate for your child.

5. Keep things in Perspective:Kids have struggles and setbacks. Some are temporary and some are long term. Every person no matter their circumstance could find themselves in a state of crisis or despair. You never know what can shift the balance in your life and create a setback. Not everyone has the skills, resilience or support to manage setbacks without professional help. There is NO shame in seeking help.

Terry Trafford was a young man at a tipping point in his life. He made mistakes but his mistakes were public and at a time in his life that was crucial in determining his future direction. We cannot assume that we know how he felt or what was going through his mind. The pressures he faced were extreme. What we can learn from this tragedy is to be more mindful, more observant, more open-minded and more supportive of our children. We talk about teaching grit, perseverance, and problem-solving. These are all important skills but we must also teach acceptance, nurturance, balance and resilience. We must work to break down barriers and stigma around mental health. Our future generations depend on it!

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